It has come to my attention that some evil corporate elements in wind tunnels have withheld several additional information from us poor riders that could highly benefit us in efficiently slicing through the wind.
We cannot call ourselves students of cycling if we don't explore what they didn't tell us. Let us discuss this appendix to what we already know about on-the-bike aerodynamics, with some new case studies done by our team :
What we know so far from the aero gurus is that you cut through the wind best when the cone of your aero helmet faces south. Really?
One of our athletic subjects was so hungover from Saturday night that he rode into the wind tunnel with his helmet worn in reverse and a stupid pizza box in his hand. He may have looked like a complete fool. But we, sitting in the back control room, didn't notice this until we saw the alarming efficiency with which he was cutting through the airflow on our computer system.
Another one of our top riders doesn't prescribe to this modern notion of wearing helmets. He thinks all helmet proponents are biased towards the brain. In direct opposition, he says he's biased towards rationality.
In 4 tests on him, we studied the effect of his pink cycling cap on incoming wind.
B. Cap Turned Up : This position did not register well on our computers.The incoherent flow caused a net drag that slowed the rider by 2%. The flow line across the stash was also disappointed and showed sharper variations than case A.
C. Cap Worn Backwards : This style, very common among automechanics, had strange behaviors with our air flow. Notice the top flow line unaffected, but the lower flow line skimmed the stash, hit the cap, reflected back, and went right through the subject's earring. The result was a net drag and considerable earring vibration. Subject also remarked that he had a sensation of 'Church Bells' going off in his ear drum.
D. Cap turned backwards up : An automechanic turns his backward cap up when he gets a raise. This style was the worst of the 4. The effect was so great that the two flow lines collided with each other, causing a shock wave some 2 cm rearward of the subject's head. When the sharp boom happened, he jumped and almost got knocked off his bike.
CASE STUDY # 3 : EXTREME BEAUTY AND ITS EFFECTS ON SLICING WIND
Airflow completely reverses on seeing subject
CASE STUDY # 4 : FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ON SLICING WIND
The last and final case study did not happen in our wind tunnel. We were almost broke paying for the above 3 studies.
Our colleague Tom from UK studied facial and emotional expressions on wind flow. The following is what he came up with :
B. The FISHFACE : Inspite of the restriction to inhalation for sustaining himself, Tom found good airflow characteristics for the fishface. Very aero. Potentially dangerous.
C. The 'BEAN FACE' : Due to the recessed lips, Tom found a considerable improvement of airflow around the mouth. Hence, this facial position was found to be a better aero proposition. The side effects were extensive cramps in the face that hurt for days.
Now take a break, and enjoy the Arab Money song...