35 Serious Cycling = Serious Legs, Serious Legs = Serious Power

"If you don't know about pain and trouble, you're in sad shape. They make you appreciate life. "

-Evel Knievel

"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience."

- Julius Caesar

The intent of this post is hardly homoerotic. Nor is it to cause a lowering of your self esteem as you peer at your shapeless, puny legs in the mirror and wonder what went wrong at the Creation labs.

Its to motivate you to get your girly ass off that couch and ride your bike in anger. Surely no athlete makes any gain without pushing the limits to challenges. To be a cyclist is to be a student of pain. Face it or remain mediocre.


How to enjoy this post :

Step 1 : Play this video. Replay it again when its done.




Step 2 : Suck your thumbs and indulge.

I doubt if this guy is made out of flesh and bones. Not convinced? Check out the one below.

Any wonder they call him 'Gorilla'?


Before you express pity, think : When most of us still drank out of feeding bottles, this guy was busting ass in the Paris Roubaix at age 20.



You don't even know what 'going hard' means unless you check out this rider. The legendary ancestor of Fabian Cancellara.

Indisputably one of the finest, all round, classics riders of all time.

The Ukrainian gods gave VIP service in carving this cyclist's calves.



These are called blood pipes. What can you do with blood pipes? You become World Champion.

More blood pipes.

I have to be honest. When I first saw the right man's legs....

....it scared the living *shit* out of me. Thanks to Team Armada for the pic. Lends a new meaning to badass. (Dave Viney, Canadian settled in Florida, usually kicks everyone's butt at the local racing scene]


You will rather not get into an argument with this guy

Next time your buddies make fun of you wearing Lycra shorts, show them what you'll look like in a few years.. (extreme left son..)

A small guy in Australia has some formidable legs for sure

Mike Friedman should be outlawed for legs this size.

What do you get with the size of these legs?

Answer : Queen Elizabeth II knights you, and you become a millionaire.

They say the imposing figure of this cyclist seemed to have been carved from Bronze.

Lean? Check. Muscle Definition? Check. Overall? Priceless.

You know you're seeing a track cyclist when.....

When this cyclist was just four and cycling, he was knocked over by a rally car driver. Even though he needed 4 separate operations on his right knee, his mother said he didn't cry until the doctors cut his cycling shorts.

One of these guys preferred ridiculously huge gears, and was known for his grind cadence.

Hardly needs a mention, does he?

The modern making of a cycling badass began sometime in 1981 in the city of Berne, Switzerland.

Essentially, what we're looking here at is a pair of calves as big as the monstrous thighs above. Look below.

These gains did not come by escape from pain. It is now well known that he smashed almost everything on the right side of his face, eyeball, skull, and cheekbones.

Same guy. Same monster.


From Cuba. With love.

This guy used machine gun victory salutes.

And won races in style.

Team Presentation.

This triathlete sure learned a few lessons training with Jan Ullrich

Race money? 13 grand. Legs? Priceless...

If any of you have further images of completely badass cyclists (male or female) with hulk monstrosities, throw a comment with the url link or email them to me and I'll certainly add them. Lets make this the one place for Serious Legs and Serious Power.


Photo Courtesy : Cycling News


Additional Resources :

What Muscles Are You Using To Pedal
Power To Weight Ratio

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9 Further Explorations In Aeroness : What They Won't Tell You

It has come to my attention that some evil corporate elements in wind tunnels have withheld several additional information from us poor riders that could highly benefit us in efficiently slicing through the wind.

We cannot call ourselves students of cycling if we don't explore what they didn't tell us. Let us discuss this appendix to what we already know about on-the-bike aerodynamics, with some new case studies done by our team :

CASE STUDY # 1 : TT HELMET STREAMLINED NORTH AND ITS EFFECT ON SLICING WIND

What we know so far from the aero gurus is that you cut through the wind best when the cone of your aero helmet faces south. Really?

One of our athletic subjects was so hungover from Saturday night that he rode into the wind tunnel with his helmet worn in reverse and a stupid pizza box in his hand. He may have looked like a complete fool. But we, sitting in the back control room, didn't notice this until we saw the alarming efficiency with which he was cutting through the airflow on our computer system.

Air skims over the cone and towards the back. Our wind tunnel tests show that slightly nodding the head gently flicks away the air currents and creates an infinitesimally small vacuum into which head and bike are sucked forward (read free speed). Constant nodding of the head will create more vaccum to aid in forward motion.

CASE STUDY # 2 : CYCLING CAP POSITIONAL EFFECTS ON SLICING WIND

Another one of our top riders doesn't prescribe to this modern notion of wearing helmets. He thinks all helmet proponents are biased towards the brain. In direct opposition, he says he's biased towards rationality.

In 4 tests on him, we studied the effect of his pink cycling cap on incoming wind.

A. Cap Worn Decently : Great airflow. The wind seems receptive to decency. Subject's stash was oriented very well to air flow as well.


B. Cap Turned Up : This position did not register well on our computers.The incoherent flow caused a net drag that slowed the rider by 2%. The flow line across the stash was also disappointed and showed sharper variations than case A.


C. Cap Worn Backwards : This style, very common among automechanics, had strange behaviors with our air flow. Notice the top flow line unaffected, but the lower flow line skimmed the stash, hit the cap, reflected back, and went right through the subject's earring. The result was a net drag and considerable earring vibration. Subject also remarked that he had a sensation of 'Church Bells' going off in his ear drum.


D. Cap turned backwards up : An automechanic turns his backward cap up when he gets a raise. This style was the worst of the 4. The effect was so great that the two flow lines collided with each other, causing a shock wave some 2 cm rearward of the subject's head. When the sharp boom happened, he jumped and almost got knocked off his bike.

Photo credits : OREC

CASE STUDY # 3 : EXTREME BEAUTY AND ITS EFFECTS ON SLICING WIND

A study was done on one of our clients from the Lipsmakers Professional Women's Cycling Team. Had we known how much electricity we would waste doing a wind tunnel test on her, we would not have initiated this study in the first place.

Airflow completely reverses on seeing subject




CASE STUDY # 4 : FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ON SLICING WIND

The last and final case study did not happen in our wind tunnel. We were almost broke paying for the above 3 studies.

Our colleague Tom from UK studied facial and emotional expressions on wind flow. The following is what he came up with :

A. The 'GASP' : Two hotspots under the nose and lower lip caused Tom adverse reactions on the skin. He had to use a cold cream for healing effect.


B. The FISHFACE : Inspite of the restriction to inhalation for sustaining himself, Tom found good airflow characteristics for the fishface. Very aero. Potentially dangerous.


C. The 'BEAN FACE' : Due to the recessed lips, Tom found a considerable improvement of airflow around the mouth. Hence, this facial position was found to be a better aero proposition. The side effects were extensive cramps in the face that hurt for days.

D. The 'DREAD FACE' : Tom tried invoking the famous Judge Dredd look. It turns out that the comic character was born with drag fighting genes. This comico-mimicry was the most aerodynamic of all. Why don't you guys try it, sitting in your seats?

E. Tom had to bitterly end his wind tunnel session when his better half started nagging him for wasting time instead of helping with chores. Annoyed at her, he showed her this facial expression behind her back. Later in his analytic study, he found all the wind vectors going great over this face in a side wind loading scenario. He concluded that the accidental discovery was terrific for cornering aerodynamics.

Photo credits : Tom's Cycling Blog

Now take a break, and enjoy the Arab Money song...

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